To Say Goodbye
by R.Eileen
Summary: After change, it's time to say goodbye to the way things were...


_"Goodbye, Severus…"_

_Goodbye... _

* * *

"So what's so special about Evans anyway?" Sirius muttered. "Whose business was it of hers to spoil good fun?" 

James didn't reply.

"Wasn't like the time with the skrewts. Or the Whomping Willow. And didn't we save Snivellus at one point? What the hell...?"

There was nothing from either of his comrades. The three simply stared at their plates (or in Lupin's case, book) unwilling to look up.

"Besides, we each got detention over it. She should be happy. We got our punishment. And furthermore-"

"Shut it, Sirius."

The only reply to Sirius Black's ranting, and it came from what many considered would have been the most unlikely source. Sirius almost swallowed his tongue from the surprise.

The normally somber head of Remus Lupin didn't even glance up from the words of his massive book, but there was no mistaking the red glint of irritation in his eyes. "Would it have been any different if it had been me? I have my nose pressed into books just as often. I study just as hard. I concentrate on my tests just as diligently, and yet I'm not a target of ridicule? How am I any different from Severus Snape?"

Sirius was sputtering for words. "It's-it's totally different..."

"How?" he demanded, eyes focusing now totally on the Black. "How is it? How am I any different except for my physical appearance and namesake?"

"There is the sickness, too-"

"Don't be cute. You know that's not what I meant."

"I didn't see you sticking up for Snivellus much."

"How could I over the prancing and preening of you both? You act like mating peacocks, strutting about, all pretty, no brains."

"The hell does that mean?"

"Figure it out, Black. Don't let me or your family down. Oh, wait, scratch that last one down off the list."

"You son of a bitch!"

"That was the one who bit me. Get it right."

"How dare you-!"

Sirius was on his feet, leaning foreboadingly over the long table of the Hogwarts dining hall. Remus had crossed his arms over his chest, rocking back slightly in his seat, perfectly braced for any verbal assault thrown his way and meeting Sirius eye to eye. Peter was switching his gaze furiously back and forth between the two, his eyes large and watery, about ready to burst into tears at the scene. The three Maurauders were in the same position when James got to his feet and left.

Sirius had been on his rampage since the other day, since the lakeside incident. What Sirius had said was true: they all had detentions for the next month, and attracted the attention of the whole school.Some cheered, some clapped them on the back and others, albeit very few, thought them despicable.

The most famous one of all, the most important, of course, Lily Evans, stood out.

And James hadn't seen her all day.

But what would have happened if he had?

Apologized? Unlikely.

Turned away? He could hardly keep his eyes off her in class.

Fought her face to face? With those angry green eyes making him weak in the knees, there was no way he could have kept his wits about him.

But what did you say to the girl you fancied when you hung her best friend upside down in the air?

**_You make me sick!_**

What did you say to the girl who wouldn't glance twice at you? Who couldn't stand your presence when in the meanwhile, you couldn't get her out of your head?

James sighed to himself, silently surprised that the hallways could be so empty this late at night. Granted, it was an hour after dinner, but still...

Unconsciously, he ran a hand through his hair.

**_Thinking you're so cool!_**

James shut his eyes, leaning against a nearby suit of armor.

Taking out his anger on Snape should have done something for him. Disgracing him in front of the whole school after using that foul word towards Evans should have left him feeling righteous, vengeful, fulfilled to punish.

He had never felt more hollow.

And Evans still wouldn't even spit in his direction.

Snape had the grace of being in her presence everyday, and wasn't he the one dabbling in Dark Magic?

Wasn't he the one practically salivating at the thought of joining the Dark Lord's ranks?

Wasn't he the one who had called her a...?

Footsteps.

James perked up a little bit.

Yes, footsteps for sure. And wait...sobbing?

Sure enough...

And because the fates were cruel and loved to torment him, who else would it have been but Lily Evans herself?

She was scrubbing viciously at her eyes, worn red from crying for awhile, the tip of her nose bright red and her cheeks pale and thin. She hardly resembled the firery haired Gryffidor he knew. She looked more like a beaten girlfriend.

He stepped forward before he could stop himself. "Evans?"

She stopped midstep, saw him, and narrowed her eyes. "You again...Proud of yourself, Potter? Come to raise more hell and ruin everything?"

"I..."

"What?" she demanded, on the offensive. "Don't bother apologizing. You can't make it better. You can't take it all back."

"I know..." James swallowed.

"You know, but that didn't stop you, did it? No, why should a Potter stop anything he's doing? Because Potter's never do wrong. Potters are perfect. Potter's are Godric's golden boys. Isn't that right!?"

The fire was back in her eyes. It practically had his heart singing.

But before he could say anything, she was on him, pressing him back against the wall in one angry shove.

"Why should you apologize for anything, Potter? Was it because it was funny, people laughed, so that made it okay to do what you did? Did it not matter that you hurt someone through your actions? That you destroyed someone close to me? That you keep picking on him and others even though he never did a thing to you? Does it get you off, Potter?!"

"Evans...!"

"You act like you're so cool, like you're so much better, like the sun shines out your ass! But you act no different! The way you behave, you're no better than the Dark Lord! Than Voldemort!"

His voice fled.

He fire singed . The rage was in her hands even as she shoved at him.

"Act like you're so perfect, but you're not! You torture, you humiliate, you dominate like _he _does without a care for anyone else!

"_You make me sick_!"

"_But I never called you Mudblood_!"

He had grabbed her by the shoulders without even realizing it, and shaken her slightly. The jarring motion mussed her red hair, throwing it over her face. Her green eyes were wide, still red rimmed, cheeks flushed. She looked startled for both herself and him. She blinked as if she'd never set eyes on him before. And James couldn't stop gawking both at her audacity and outright rage as well as her courage.

He had to take a breath. "I...would never say something like that to you."

"You might as well," she whispered. "Actions speak louder than words and what not."

"I never hurt you."

"Not directly."

"Not intentionally."

Both went silent for awhile, realizing several things about one another for the first time.

"It's not all fun and games, Potter."

"I think I'm starting to get that."

Again, silence. They weren't even looking at each other anymore.

"Do you...want me to apologize?"

"What good will apologizing do?" she demanded. "It won't fix it. It won't help us go back in time. It won't take it back..." The cinders in her eyes were suddenly doused. The tears were back. "Saying sorry won't take it back..."

Though they'd had a tumultuous contact throughout the years, though they hardly knew even the littlest facts about one another, and though their relationship was one-sided to the greatest extreme, it seemed only natural to grab her and pull her to him ad allow her to cry against him for however long she needed.

His feet hurt, she shoulder and shirt were soaking wet, but Lily Evans was here with him, allowing him, and no other, to be the comfort she needed right now.

Minutes or hours later, they were side by side, having sunk to the floor with their backs to the wall, her head against his shoulder, and his arm around her shoulder as she sniffed away the last of her tears.

There were no words between them for awhile. But there didn't need to be.

"I didn't forgive him."

It took a moment to click. "Sniv-Snape."

"He came last night and begged for my forgiveness. I turned him away." She wiped her nose with the back of her sleeve. "It hurt...but not as much as he hurt me using that word."

"So...you didn't forgive him...what does that mean for me?"

She glared up at him. "Not everything is about you."

James shut his mouth. "Oh."

Another beat of silence with no malice, no saddness. Just a deep internal understanding that things were significantly different now. James dared to wonder (hope) that the two of them would never move from this spot. It seemed a lifetime since his life as Quidditch captain and the Marauders.

A faraway clock tolled the late hour.

Clearing her throat, Lily straightened her spine and adjusted her clothing and stood. "We should get on. It's late and Filch is destined to catch us if we stay."

James shuddered.

He stood and followed her billowing cloak to Gryffindor tower. Just outside the portrait, she stopped and turned on him. "We should go in separately. Don't want anyone getting the wrong idea so soon after...yesterday. It's just better that way."

James bit his lip. "Sure...if you want."

She started to head inside, but stopped short. "About...what happened tonight..."

James gave a crooked smile. "Being sly and secretive is a Slytherin trait, Evans."

She glanced away, eyes slightly hooded, as if remembering something sad. "Maybe the hat made the wrong choice."

"The hat doesn't make the choice."

"Who told you that?"

"Dumbledore."

She snorted. "Figures."

James smiled at her audacity.

"You're handsome, James."

His mouth went dry. He stared at her wildly.

"When you smile honestly, not slyly or with wicked intentions and thoughts, just you. That's the best, I've found."

Blinking to clear the stars from his eyes, he smiled again, but with a snarky crook to the corner of his mouth.

She recognized the look, but smiled in spite of herself and placed a hand on her hip. "We go in separate, we say nothing. No one knows I cried on your shoulder like a little baby. And you tell no one I used your real name."

"Please? Can't I have this one?"

"In your dreams."

James grinned and prayed they were sweet ones.

Just before she disappeared inside, she gave him another look over her shoulder. "I mean it, Potter. One word and I _Avada Kedavra_ your ass."

"I expected no less. Not a word."

* * *

James walked into the Gryffindor common room ten minutes later. 

Sirius and Remus were separated by the length of the floor. Sirius looked rebellious and pissed having throw himself into a crimson arm chair. Remus was spread on a loveseat, looking forelorn. Peter was crouched in a corner, pouting, still looking ready to cry.

James looked back and forth between them, hands on his hips, then clucked his tongue in disappointment.

"Why don't you two ladies just kiss and make up already?"

_end _

* * *

BTW, I own nothing... 

Hope people enjoyed it, cause I love this relationship. : )


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